


I'll Be More Than Glad To Lend A Helping Hand

by singing_to_empty_caves



Series: Bein' Friends Bonus Content [2]
Category: Mother 1 | EarthBound Zero | EarthBound Beginnings
Genre: Gen, are starmen robots or aliens?, his friends just deal with his hubris, ninten is a dork, they have feelings anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29467869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singing_to_empty_caves/pseuds/singing_to_empty_caves
Summary: Ninten wants to know how to pose like a Starman.
Series: Bein' Friends Bonus Content [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736578
Comments: 11
Kudos: 12





	I'll Be More Than Glad To Lend A Helping Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lottery57](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lottery57/gifts), [TokoBushyBird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TokoBushyBird/gifts), [RainyTazmily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainyTazmily/gifts).



Ninten had been thinking about Starmen a lot lately.

Where did they come from? Were they alive? Robots? Why did they wanna hurt him? And how on Earth were they so good at attacking _and_ defending?

The only thing he could think of to explain it was the way they stood. When they showed up, they stood with their chests puffed out; sometimes, during battle, they'd flicker and suddenly stand with their arms over their chest control panels. When they stood like that, it was real difficult to land a good hit--and not just because of the fact they were covering up their bodies. It was almost like it made a shield or something.

That curiosity led Ninten to resolve that the next time he found a Starman, he'd try to learn from the way it stood.

And sure enough, as soon as that thought reached its end, a Starman phased in front of them.

"How many of these things are there?" Lloyd groaned, readying his boomerang.

"YOU ARE VERY PERSISTENT."

"Yep, that's me!" Ninten grinned at the Starman, then took a good long look at the way he was standing.

" _PSI--_ "

"No, wait, Ana," Ninten interrupted. "Not yet."

" _What?_ " Lloyd and Ana asked at the same time.

But Ninten was focused on getting his arms to look like the Starman's--it was hard, because they had weird, wavy, pointy things that weren't really arms at all.

"...THIS IS NOT AN ATTACK WE ARE FAMILIAR WITH."

"Oh, it's not an attack," Ninten confirmed. "Say, how do I move my arms to make 'em all bent around like yours?"

"EXPLAIN."

Ninten tried a new angle with his wrist. "I'm tryin' to figure out how you stand all confident n' intimidating!"

"Uh…" Lloyd said hesitantly.

"WE ARE ENGAGED IN COMBAT. CEASE THIS DISTRACTION."

"Combat? Does it look like I'm fightin' you right now?" Ninten laughed.

For a moment, the Starman was silent. So were Ninten's friends.

See, he knew the Starmen wanted to hurt him, but if there was one thing he'd learned about them, it was that they liked answers that made sense. If he wasn't fighting this Starman, that meant the Starman didn't need to be too concerned about fighting _him_ , and it just might let him mess around for a little bit longer. It wasn't really a foolproof plan, but where else was he gonna learn about the Starman poses besides the Starmen themselves? Besides, if it tried to attack, he'd maybe take one good hit and then just go right back to fighting.

"...YOUR FEET ARE NOT SUFFICIENTLY DISTANCED FROM EACH OTHER."

Now, _that_ was not something Ninten expected.

"My feet?"

"AFFIRMATIVE. THE STARMAN OFFENSIVE POSE REQUIRES A TWO-POINT-FIVE ASTRAL DISTANCE BETWEEN THE LOWER APPENDAGES. YOUR BODY IS OF A SIGNIFICANTLY SMALLER STATURE BY COMPARISON TO STARMAN UNITS. ANALOG: TWO-POINT-FIVE ASTRALS IS APPROXIMATELY EQUIVALENT TO THE UPPERMOST SEGMENT WIDTH OF A STARMAN UNIT. THEREFORE, YOU MAY MEASURE THE PROPORTIONAL PLACEMENT OF YOUR LOWER LIMBS BY THE WIDTH OF YOUR OWN HIGHEST TORSO POINT."

Ninten blinked a couple of times, trying to process the Starman's words. "...What?"

"SIMPLIFY: THE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR FEET MUST BE EQUAL TO THE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDERS."

"Oh! Feet shoulder-width apart, just like choir!" Ninten nodded and spread his feet apart a little.

"Ninten, are you really--"

"Shh!" Ninten interrupted again. "I'm learning! Why don't you both try it, too?"

"OBSERVATION: ADEQUATE DISTANCE ACHIEVED."

"Hey, do ya think puttin' 'em further apart would make me stronger?"

"...I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH THE INTRICACIES OF YOUR SKELETAL STRUCTURE. YOU MAY ATTEMPT THIS VARIATION TO OBSERVE THE OUTCOME."

"Cool!" Ninten wiggled and pushed his feet further apart in the rocky dirt.

"HOWEVER, THE OTHER TWO SHOULD MAINTAIN A STANDARD DISTANCE."

Ninten glanced back to see Lloyd and Ana both carefully adjusting their stances. So much for trying to stop him, huh? He couldn't resist a little smirk.

* * *

"QUERY: WHAT HAS DELAYED THE EXECUTION OF THE HOLLANDER BOY."

Ninten glanced over at the new Starman, and despite himself, felt a spike of fear.

"HE REQUESTED THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN THE COMBAT POSITION. I AM NOW INTRODUCING HIM TO THE DEFENSIVE POSITION."

"IT DOES NOT SERVE US WELL TO ASSIST THE ENEMY."

"JUSTIFICATION: HE IS A FRAGILE HUMAN CHILD AND WILL NOT SURVIVE THIS ENCOUNTER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES."

"Well, that was nice," Ana muttered under her breath.

"VALIDATED. THE DEFENSIVE POSE TAKES LITTLE EFFORT TO ADAPT TO THE HUMAN FORM. THE VITAL ORGANS STORED IN THE CHEST CAVITY MIMIC OUR CONSTRUCTION."

"I can't believe you got them to do this!" Ana whispered to Ninten.

"What can I say? I'm just that friendly," Ninten whispered back.

"MAINTAIN THE PLACEMENT OF YOUR LOWER LIMBS. PLACE YOUR UPPER LIMBS PERPENDICULAR TO EACH OTHER, STARTING WITH THE RIGHTMOST LIMB AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE GUARDING THE CHEST CAVITY."

"Put your arms in an X shape," Lloyd said.

Ninten adjusted his arms. "Thanks."

"OBSERVATION: HUMAN CHILDREN ARE VERY RECEPTIVE TO INSTRUCTION."

"OBSERVATION: THEY OFFER AID TO EACH OTHER WHEN LACKING CLARITY."

"That's just bein' a good friend," Ninten told the Starmen.

"QUERY: WHAT IS A FRIEND."

Lloyd spoke up first. "It's someone you care about, who cares about you. You can have a lot of fun together, and you trust each other. You keep each other safe."

"HYPOTHESIS: STARMAN UNIT 30976A CAN BE CATEGORIZED IN THIS MANNER AS IT RELATES TO MYSELF."

"Sure, you two can be friends!" Ninten agreed.

He didn't even know Starmen could understand friendship, but hey--it was pretty cool that he got to see a friendship start, anyhow.

* * *

Another attack deflected off of Ninten's defensive pose, with nothing hurt. He was getting pretty good at this!

"EXPLAIN."

"Explain what?"

"YOU SUSTAIN VIRTUALLY NO DAMAGE FROM OUR ATTACKS."

"HYPOTHESIS: THE EFFECTS OF THE DEFENSIVE POSE ARE CURRENTLY AMPLIFIED BY HIS PSI."

The first Starman took a moment to respond.

"QUERY: WHEN DID YOU INTEND TO INFORM ME OF HIS PSI ABILITIES."

"YOU WERE PROVIDED THIS INFORMATION UPON MISSION ASSIGNMENT."

"I HAVE RECEIVED NO SUCH INTELLIGENCE."

"CONCLUSION: YOU HAVE CREATED NEEDLESS DANGER FOR OUR FORCES."

Ninten stifled a laugh at the Starmen's argument. "Thanks for the lesson anyways!"

Apparently, the second Starman wasn't done.

"OPINION: YOU, STARMAN UNIT 30985A, ARE A HINDRANCE."

"OPINION: YOU ALSO HAD AN OBLIGATION TO DISCLOSE THIS INFORMATION PRIOR TO ACCEPTING THE REQUEST TO TRAIN HIM."

"OPINION: THE BASE UNIT SHOULD WITHDRAW YOUR PERMISSIONS TO SPEAK."

"Did he just say _shut up_ in Starman talk?!" Lloyd asked.

"NINTEN HOLLANDER."

Ninten smiled. "Yes?"

"I AM UNFORTUNATELY TASKED WITH RETURNING THIS DEFECTIVE STARMAN UNIT TO OUR ORIGIN POINT."

"OPINION: THIS IS AN INACCURATE DESCRIPTOR, UNLESS YOU ARE REFERRING TO YOURSELF."

"I hope you two can make up soon!"

"MEANING UNCLEAR. PHRASE IGNORED. YOU WILL BE ERADICATED BY ANOTHER STARMAN UNIT SHORTLY."

Both of the Starmen phased out of view.

_You Win!_

"What… was that?" Ana asked.

"Whatever it was, I know how to pose like a Starman now!" Ninten stood with his arms at his sides and his chest puffed out. "QUERY: WHAT DOES QUERY MEAN."

"A query is a question," Lloyd laughed.

"Well, then, that makes sense why they always asked a question after it!"

Ana rolled her eyes with a smile. "All right, let's keep moving. At least we know Ninten won't be _eradicated_ with this new defensive pose."

"Absolutely!" Ninten grinned back and set off to resume their hike up the mountain.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written with zero editing or proofreading in less than 24 hours.  
> You're welcome, Irohs.


End file.
